It’s August 2017 and I get distracted easily. I have a hard time with self discipline and being soft with myself. I’m still learning how to fully love myself so there isn’t much I can really offer you right now… besides the dedication of learning to love me—so we can then share love that is free, love that real and abundant. THE REAL THING. I know it’s possible. I know it’s going to take work. I’m willing to go through it because this is something I want to experience for *me*. I want to know and experience what a loving, healthy relationship between 2 whole people is like, with the knowledge that those 2 whole people also have love for others and that is perfectly normal and beautiful. And I want to experience what building a family between those is like. I want to know what it’s like to raise healthy children.
I’m realizing more and more that this requires a very direct amount of inwardness and focus. It requires surrender. I don’t know what the future brings but I know what I can do to make it beautiful, to live the life I want.
Lover, there’s love all around me but its been so hard for me to see it, breathe it in, appreciate it. I think it’s because I can’t appreciate the love outside if I can’t appreciate, acknowledge or even see the love inside of me. I’m feeling a call to go super inward. It seems other people is really not where its at for me right now. Music makes me happy. Writing makes me happy. Having a clean organized home makes me happy. Hugs make me happy too… Kisses make me happy too. But I think sometimes I go to them as a distraction from the void I feel inside & that’s not cool.
It’s time to step up to the plate of whats being demanded of me for my work, and for myself. I got thissssss. ❤
This is the post excerpt.
if i’m being completely honest, a lot of my self esteem is reliant upon Isaac. And if i delve even deeper, there are attachments described in the form of “what would i do without him? i need him in my life to be happy. i can’t accomplish what i want in life without him.” i don’t love or like myself or even see value in myself but isaac is with me so there must be something there. my self esteem and sense of self worth is shot y’all. before meeting isaac i was seeing a 51 year old man. (more on this another time!) i would look at couples around my age and think i’m not worthy of that, and there was no way in my mind that a guy i really liked and was attracted to would be interested in me. i didn’t really have many friends, especially not the type of friends i wanted. (i still don’t but i’m working on it.)
i’ve been wanting to start a blog for a while now and i haven’t because i feel like i am really late to the “game”. lots of people start things with the intention of doing it just for themselves and i’d be lying if i said that.i’m doing this for me yes, but i want this to grow. i want millions of people reading it who receive great value from it. maybe its an ego thing more than a genuinely wanting to help people thing. the truth is though it really is more for me than it is for anyone else. i started my youtube channel a few months back and it isn’t going as i had hoped.. its so much easier for me to be clear, thoughtful, and direct on paper (or in this case, on keyboard) than with verbal words. I want to explore this, and really delve into my writing, as it’s probably one of my biggest natural talents. This doesn’t mean I won’t do youtube! But i’m super excited to see where this takes me, and what insights i gain from writing again.
I’ll also mention a bit about Sharon Stays Sharing. So the purpose behind that is to share (duh). “Share WHAT??” you ask? Share my life, my insights, my past, my struggles, MY HEALING JOURNEY AS RAW AND VULNERABLE as I can + want. This means I’ll speak about taboo shit, uncomfortable shit. It means I’ll be sharing videos I recorded in super vulnerable moments. I feel the NEED to do this for my sanity, for my peace. As i mentioned before, first and foremost it is for me. Secondly, its for those who resonate with it and who may need it. What i share here and what i will share is for the sake of my expression, and freedom. As I express myself and free up, I believe it will help others to do the same. I know I’ve been inspired by that.
it’s 5:20am and time for BED but I’m so glad I finally did this! woo hoo. Subscribe to my blog! Is that how this works? lol someone helppp